I began walking in Staten Island. I was walking, going through desolate streets thinking about how beautiful it is to walk in industrial neighborhoods that are covered with snow, looking down at the foortprint’s other people had left before me, thinking of the poetry and metaphors involved in stepping in other peoples footprints and as I was reaching my destination and I looked down again at the snow my thoughts were interrupted by an unusually long trail of bright yellow dog piss. I looked up and realized that this was Staten Island and if there’s something poetic about this whole experience its probably gonna involve the dog piss and not the neighborhoods or the snow or footprints.
So I went back home and went straight upstairs to my uncles room and sat watching him smoke away and curse the president and board members of our townhouse community. Now whoever is reading this I want them to realize that I’ve been hearing about these problems with board members and presidents since July and I still have no idea what the real problem is, all I know is that these are my uncles mortal enemies and that this has also been an endless source of amusement for him. He looked up at me and while he was simultaneously coughing and smoking and eating grapes he said to me ‘I got a project for you and it involves writing a letter to these sons of bitches’. Now let me stop time for a second and describe what I felt at that moment, I felt like a Charles Bronson protégé on her first assignment to wipe out an entire neighborhood just because they annoyed the master. That made me feel good, I found it a better alternative to contemplating dog piss. So he gave me to read the Presidents letter. Let me say this, it was unfu*ckin believable (I don’t know what the point was to wiping out the letter u from that word but just go along with it). I read this guys letter and in an instant I recognized in him a soul mate, the missing link to my life here in Staten Island. This guy was a work of art, someone that really had an infinite amount of time on his hands. First off he started off his letter with a quote from Thomas Paine-whoooooo is Thomas Paine? Well one of the founding fathers of the United States Of America-whooooo was he addressing this letter to? The residents of a Staten Island townhouse community that were fighting about their roofs falling apart.... Than he proceeded to talk about slander and reputations and many other philosophically abstract ideas. So finally I had found a new meaning to that day of mine and I was determined not to disappoint the master.My reply to his letter was also a freakin work of art and this will be one of the few times I will take pride in my work.So this was my reply:
In response to ***********letter that is included in the January 2010 Management Report (page **-**)
What worries me in regards to these letters is that again the matter at hand is being avoided and another one is put forth to deflect attention away from what truly needs to be solved , and that is the real tangible problems this community is facing with its finances and its construction project. I have re-read Mr.******* concerns and although they are eloquently put they are, as a matter of fact, irrelevant to any of the concerns that the majority of the community members have. But since it would be rude not to respond to his concerns I will start by quoting Albert Einstein when he said: ‘The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.’
Dear Mr. ******, questions directed to you or the board members are not intended to slander you, or create false impressions and rumors. That would be a waste of time and energy and if I can assure you of one thing it is that there are not many people in this community that have either the time or the energy to squander towards creating preadolescent situations and environments. We are all hard working people and above all we are concerned people that hand you over our questions and concerns in hopes that we receive a reply. Now you must have confused the promise of a reply to our concerns with an actual reply to them. One is non existent and the other is still on its way, both of which do us no good at all. Now we are absolutely certain that Mr. ******* and all the board members are of impeccable integrity and character but what we are not sure of is if they understand the matter at hand. These questions are of a practical nature not a philosophical one, they concern money, dates etc. And we hope that there is as much practical sense among the board members as there is a tendency to expand on many great ideas such as what constitutes a rumor, a slander, a reply and a question. You are the president and that is a position that has many responsibilities the most important being that you look out for this community, and this community has members, human beings that actually have houses here and would love to have the opportunity to know as much as possible about their community and this unfortunately can happen only by posing questions, lots of them. It would be a shame to create an environment were questions are not only unwelcome but they are misrepresented as well. So yes we do still need answers to our questions-all of them, the practical ones that is. Best Regards,
*************
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