Utopia

I don’t know why when I call various vendors at my job to ask for information pertaining to some given problem of the day, I imagine that on the other side of the phone line there is a person working in a perfect corporation, and he or she is sitting at a perfectly square desk, tailored specifically to their size and designed to fit paperwork that involves only my company and my problems. In addition to this I go even further in imagining this employee’s background and reason for his or her existence. I imagine that when they were being interviewed for their current job the manager asked questions only on how to deal effectively with me and my company, and the standards were strict, very strict. I also imagine that these imaginary employees that sit on their desk from 9-5 waiting for my one phone call also do not eat. For some reason I can’t imagine them chewing on something or spilling it all over their shirt, they are far to ideal for that kind of thing. You could also forget about them going to a bathroom of any kind other too maybe wash their already perfectly clean hands. But is that what our customers imagine when they call me on the phone and yell and huff and puff waiting for an answer to a question that goes back to 1998? Do they not know that for me to actually reach my keyboard I have to go through numerous obstacles, such as a pile of papers that’s been accumulating for over 5 months or 3 half full cups of coffees that have been sitting on my desk for 2 weeks now? That my phone wire is so tangled up that when I actually pick up the receiver the whole device lifts up in the air. That I accidentally, most probably will knock down my hard drive because my feet couldn’t tell the difference from that and my 12 pair of shoes that are under my 3 foot desk. Also that when I do actually reach my keyboard my computer freezes up because it has about a dozen chat windows open and about 2 dozen other arbitrary windows where I have googled anything from recipes that date back to 1778, pornstars, horticulture and brain tumor symptoms cause I’m a full blown hypochondriac to top it all off…..What the hell do they imagine I am, a nice little girl sitting at a perfect little desk waiting for their one phone call all day? Do they really imagine that that is the reason of my damned existence?